UHNW and HNW WOMEN: WHEN THOSE CLOSE TO YOU NOTICE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH ILLNESS HOW DO THEY RESPOND?
facets of you – UHNW WOMEN & MENTAL HEALTH
WHEN THOSE CLOSE TO YOU NOTICE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH ILLNESS HOW DO THEY RESPOND?
Join today’s conversation on why you as an UHNW or HNW Woman are having difficulties with managing your mental health disorder when those close to you notice your mental health illness, then respond in a less than supportive way to your well-being. Read the experience from other affluent women who believe that they are fine with the depression, stress, anxiety and are not seeking help from a therapist, doctor or counsellor. Read the experiences of UHNW and HNW who are seeking help and had sought help. Read how UHNW and HNW women had coped with the realisation of not having a support network. Read how the reactions of self-serving family and friends impacted upon the mental health state of affluent women who were going through relationship breakdowns or bereavement.
You are an affluent woman. You are shy or an introvert. Perhaps with low level autism. You live in an affluent home. You live an affluent lifestyle. You have weight fluctuations. You have dietary impulses. Yet right now when you need help from those close to you, they do not offer a glimmer of support that you need to move forward whilst you manage your mental health disorder. The ‘suck it up’ and ‘move on’ attitude of family and friends taking its toll on your mental health well-being. Through tears and nervous laughter. Warts and all.
This conversation is about your creation of a ‘tribe’ of the best people around you to aid your well-being. Be open to its ebbs and flows. Take my hand and make the journey so that you can be helped. When you want that help is up to you.
WHEN THOSE CLOSE TO YOU NOTICE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH ILLNESS HOW DO THEY RESPOND?
RISE Founder & Coach
Jay: Through first hand experience I have been a witness to what one of my closest friends had gone through with their mental health. A hard working, professional, affluent lady coming from a poor, single parent background. People can truly venture into some serious places of the mind. Taking their own life becomes a common occurrence as a thought. This can manifest into an action or set of actions to accomplish the desire of the thought. It is frightening. It is scary. It is powerful. It is important to show that person going through a mental health disorder that you are aware of their plight and want to help them on a path of recovery. Through their ability to manage the mental health disorder with a therapist, doctor or counsellor. Their well-being is primary. Their well-being impacts upon the family unit. Upon close friendships.
It is because of this friend’s particular mental health illness experience that I began this blogpost. I have been in communication with other Ultra High Net Worth (UHNW) and High Net Worth (HNW) women about their mental health. The three series on mental health that are available through RISE shall aid you if you are looking for help. This particular blogpost is as a testament to affluent women going through mental health and is a result of their frankness to their mental health situation. I have to add that it is only because of the forthcoming from these incredible ladies that their personal stories are being shared with you all through RISE.
I know the experience of going into a low place. I have been where the feeling of not being able to confide in anyone was present.
Client: Paula
Paula: The hardest part and the easiest part is that as soon as one begins to take ownership of the mental health condition, clarity comes into focus. The mental health issue becomes easier to discuss. Not to discuss with everyone, but to discuss with someone that may be able to support one or help one on this journey that is being travelled.
RISE Coach
Jay: It is important that I give myself the opportunity to reach out to people with this blogpost and that people have the opportunity to feel free to reach out to me through this blogpost. Including the other articles in the three series. I am a girls grammar school and university educated, Black English lady, who is an expat living in Europe. My coaching work is predominantly carried out in English, so I connect with various people online and face to face. People from all over the world. UHNW and HNW women. Our relationship is such that there is an exchange of communication about mental health experiences with day to day existing. This is a life situation that needs to be told. I want UHNW and HNW women to see that other UHNW and HNW women do struggle with mental health. It is OK to speak about it to someone.
My darling friend has arrived at a good place but she still has to manage certain episodes carefully. There are still impacts of life that can trigger her mental health. So I hope that other affluent women who are reading this and suffering with a mental health condition, know that there are UHNW and HNW women who are going through something similar with their mental health disorder. This path of managing their mental health leads to a road of ‘recovery’ through the management of their illness with a view of beginning to feel better. One step at a time. One moment at a time. One breath at a time.
Client: Paula
Paula: The one thing that you should not be feeling is ashamed. Ashamed to open up and tell people what you are going through.
RISE Coach
Jay: When you hear people say “Oh for goodness sake! There is nothing wrong with you. You have everything. It is other people less fortunate that you should be feeling sorry for. Not yourself. Just get on with it!” OR. “Are you looking for sympathy again?” OR. “Suck it up! You are always whinging about something.” OR. “Affluent women have it all! OR. “What are you crying about!” OR. “Just pull yourself together.” OR. “Just snap out of it!” OR. “Stop talking about it, it serves no purpose.” When you hear people say any one of these things it can truly hurt. When in fact talking about it is exactly what you should be doing. Talking about it to a mental health therapist. Talking about it to a mental health doctor. Talking about it to a mental health counsellor. Talking about it to a close trusted friend. Talking about it to an understanding member of the family. UHNW and HNW women are attempting suicide and taking their lives purely because they are not expressing how they feel by telling someone. That they feel or see no hope in their life to exist.
Client: Elsa
Elsa: People have judgements over you as a woman who is affluent. Somehow you need to; or are expected to, justify being affluent and or powerful. People want to know how you made your wealth. Was it through ‘legitimate’ means or unscrupulous activities. Especially if you came from humble, immigrant and a poverty background. People want to know who you know that gave you a leg up in society. People like us are not meant to have affluence. People like us are not meant to live opulent lives. People think they know you through the gossip, the tittle tattle, the hearsay of others.
It is because you have this wealth, this affluence, this incredible lifestyle, that if you open up that you are afraid of the ‘FREAK’ stamp; along with the other labels that people tag on to you. You know the stamp that people place upon you when they find out that you have a psychiatrist. That you are having ‘treatment’ from being ‘mad’. The stamp sticks. The label sticks. That is a huge fear that I had. That, if I am honest with myself, I still have. People, I mean we as human beings are still primitive beings. We still live in that community of fear of the mind. Society makes jokes about mental health. It is a funny subject. No harm done. Only there is harm done. It hurts. If you are famous, when society finds out that you are undergoing mental health treatment(s) they plaster your situation across the press. Society maximises on your misery. Society places you at arms length in certain social circles. They exclude you. They take advantage of your situation.
People believe that because you have a mental health illness that you are vulnerable, weak and susceptible to fraudsters. To many people you are only as good as the ‘normal’ behaviours that peers in society portray. To many people you are only as good as the affluence that you own, so when in a mental health condition certain people will try and wrench that wealth off you. The snakes in society just make a beeline for you. You have to be on your guard all the time avoiding and assessing these people whilst coping with your mental health disorder. It can be a huge minefield of deception and disinformation from people that say that they can help you. That say that they can manage your affairs whilst you are taking time off to manage your mental health illness. They can be people you know. They can be people in your family. They can be people you work with. They can be people recommended from someone you know. They can be a friend. They can be an absolute stranger; an opportunist. So when you open up, who do you open up to and still maintain your safety?
RISE Coach
Jay: Mental health and its stigma within ethnic communities are swept under the carpet and viewed with disfavour amongst the community groups. If they cannot be hidden or kept a secret, the circle around that person having the mental health illness is closed from prying eyes. Or the person is shunned in the community and left for the local authorities to take care of. For some families having someone with a mental health disorder is an embarrassment to them and the family want to wash their hands of the situation. It is a responsibility that they are content to hand to local authorities. In local ethnic communities mental health is something that is misunderstood. Whether the ethnic community is in an urban or a rural environment, even with the advancement of helplines and information from medical centres and signposting through the press or doctor’s practises, mental health is still shown to be disapproved enough to be encouraged to be swept under the carpet.
Client: Paula
Paula: Mental health had the affect of closing me off from friends. Perhaps some of them were not true friends and the mental health clarified that for me. It also brought up issues with certain members of my family. For other people the stigma of my mental health was a grave concern to their well-being. To their lifestyle. To their day to day existence. To their position in society. For a while I felt a sense of being defeated by my mental health condition. Fearing it and not wanting to be in the public gaze. Hidden behind closed doors and curtains.
Client: Elsa
Elsa: I remember the time that my mental health deterioration encroached further into my life. It was 2001 and dad had died one month before his birthday. He was a mature parent when he began a family. When he died he was elderly and the stress of life had taken its toll on his health. He had suffered from two strokes. My mother had walked out on the family when I was six years old. Daddy had brought up the family all on his own. He was working and trying to keep a roof over our heads. Eventually he met another woman and that changed the dynamics of the family unit. I just remember being so unhappy and withdrawn when my mother left. I felt as though I had cried throughout my childhood. I had thoughts of dad leaving. The insecurity was unbearable. I quickly began to get clingy towards him. I began to get more and more introvert and shy around strangers and some family members. As well as family friends. I hated when he had to leave for work. I cried and cried. My aunt would look after us when he was away. She was awful. Her children were marginally nice to us. My aunt did not want to look after us. It was only because of my dad paying her cash to look after us that she put up with the situation. She pretended that she liked us when my father came to collect us. As soon as he was gone she turned cruel and spiteful. Saying terrible things about my parents. I told my dad about his sister’s behaviour and I recall there being an argument between the two of them. She stopped saying cruel things in front of us and she started to give us decent things to eat. That was as far as her civility and humanity went. She just despised us.
RISE Coach
Jay: I am noticing through the enquiries to my coaching packages that there are increasing numbers of affluent women from ‘ethnic’ communities who are struggling with their newly found or created wealth. Together with struggling with relationships; family, friends and professional colleagues, plus encroaching episodes of a mental health illness stemming from their childhood and the changes to their social environment. Understand that when I state ‘ethnic’ I also include women from Caucasian societies who have red hair or strikingly different features to that of the masses of their Caucasian society. Where women are speaking in dialect or colloquial terms and not the ‘high’ spoken language that one normally assumes with wealth, priviledge and power.
I am opening up this particular blogpost to all of you incredible affluent women out there around this planet, that are on the start of your mental health illness, or are on a journey of discovery regarding your mental health illness. Whether you have a combination racial background. Whether you have a heritage that is varied. You are feeling a myriad of experiences with your mental health that has some bearing upon your humble, immigrant or poverty background. I am doing this article because one of my closest friends has been diagnosed with depression and it has an enormous impact upon her life, although she is managing it. I must confess that right at the very beginning I was taken aback and I did not know what to do. Or rather what to say. On the outside she looked incredible. Everything appeared great. Perfect even! I did however understand her situation with depression together with her shyness. I discovered that she simply needed someone that she could trust in order to talk this situation through. That is what I did. I listened without judgement. I support her when the call into action is there.
Client: Victoria
Victoria: Do you know what is embarrassing. People whom you thought were savvy and intelligent are ignorant. I had that kind of ignorance when I was playing in the school playground. A total disregard to other people who looked different or were different to me. A byproduct of my family’s bigotry and prejudice. I was brought up by a single mother. I do not remember my father, so I do not know who he is. During my young adulthood I was forced to deal with my mother’s mental health disorder and thoughts of suicide, plus other shit. I learned to shut her out of my emotions. I was cruel and crude and I said some things that I do regret. I shouted at her. I asked her what she was doing. I said she was attention seeking. I said she was being selfish. Always at these times I was uncontrollable with rage and would breakdown emotionally. Then I would focus on something to help me shut myself down emotionally towards her. My mother was later sectioned. I disowned my family members. I moved away to another region. Then another country. I used work to get me to where I am now. Wealthy.
Yes. I have an incredibly envious lifestyle. I have the money. I have the luxury. I travel. I have a partner and one child. I also have a mental health disorder and I am an introvert. I have recently started to get further help with my poverty mindset. I have fears and irrational thoughts and these are that I have inherited the mental illness that I now learn has affected other people in my family tree. That my child will also suffer from it. I try my best to provide a happy and balanced home environment with my partner, whilst handling the mental health disorder and the pressures of work.
RISE Coach
Jay: My friend has a therapist and a tribe of people around her to support her. So, I do not worry to much about her. She knows that she can count on her ‘tribe’ of people who live nearby and afar. With modern communication we can be contacted across various mediums. Taking a flight over for a face to face is do-able.
There have not been too many situations where she would not answer her telephone. There is always staff at her home and she has a personal assistant at the office who know her whereabouts. Well as much as her staff need to know about her whereabouts. One thing that other layman support tribe members have said is that they are sometimes apprehensive about making ‘Are you OK’ visits. There is an anxiety that they will find the person with the mental illness dead on the floor. The anxiety for them is real, because the person with the mental health illness is at a place so consuming and overwhelming that the inclination to commit suicide is powerful. Is real.
There is a ‘setback’ experience that they have all been through when they have tried to talk about their mental health. These women were told to keep quiet about their mental health from so-called family members and friends as it would affect their status in society. Or, they felt that they could not open up to family members and friends because the stress of being open about their mental health illness would be admitting that their life is a failure.
Client: Sofia
Sofia: In my 30’s I had to deal with the death of a boyfriend who had an affair with a relative of mine. They were together and died on a motorway accident.
My mother spoke with me the day after we received news about the accident. I was sitting at the family apartment balcony and all she spoke about was other family members. Other family gossip. She did not know how to speak to me about the accident. Then as soon as she had finished talking she walked away to the kitchen. The telephone rang and she was gossiping to my aunt about me and the accident. My father did his usual, “So what’s wrong with you then?” and “Do you want a cup of tea?” The standard response to a crisis. My mother and father did not show much loving emotion towards each other or their children. But they did show humour and laughter at times. News of serious accidents and death resulted in them behaving quiet. Becoming inward. With other aunts and uncles they would gossip about the serious situation that had happened. With us ‘children’ we received the standard ‘you children blah, blah, blah” even though we were adults and working.
That night of the accident and for a while after I could not sleep well. I kept seeing the image of my ‘boyfriend’ in my dreams. I felt him around me. I talked to him. My mother did not understand how I felt and she told me to get over it. To move on. People die all the time. My parents just had no clue. It was either silence from my father. Or. “Move on”, from my mother. How am I supposed to respond to that and manage my depression?
RISE Coach
Jay: Recently through one of the RISE packages I had a client speak to me about an awkward situation that she had experienced with a friend of hers. The client thought that she could broach the subject of her mental health to this friend and was trying to explain her predicament through being diagnosed with a mental health illness. She said that she was struggling with the enormity of her mental health and that she felt suicidal. The friend tried to change the subject and stated that a doctor was the best person to discuss the issue with and not her because she was not qualified on the subject. The client said that she could sense that the subject of mental health was making their friendship awkward. From since that day their friendship was not the same again. They rarely socialised together again, with the client feeling as though her friend was avoiding her. This is what discussing mental health can contribute to and show up in others.
Client: Elsa
Elsa: I remember my mother coming into the family unit again when I was starting to live a good life. I mean I had bought my own property outright. I had a great job in the city. I was able to help my immediate family unit and be there for them. Things were looking up and paying off. I was beginning to become more affluent and I loved it. Somehow my mother got wind of this good fortune of mine and wanted a piece of the action. She was under the impression that she was owed it. I cannot even tell you how angry I was at her. How deeply upset I was. Out of anger I shouted at her and told her that I was having to deal with some upsetting things from my childhood because of her leaving. That I was seeing a psychiatrist. She denied that it was her fault or that it had anything to do with her. It took me quite a while to balance that episode in my life after she had departed. I was in tears in public areas. I wore dark glasses for ages. During Winter. Even at night. It was hard pretending that all was well in public. It was tough going in to work. It was tough at meetings. It was just raw. I have no idea how I managed it.
RISE Coach
Jay: It is with optimism that this blogpost has opened its doors for visitors to RISE. It is to give encouragement with a prospect of managing mental health that is do-able and not everyone needs to know about your illness. Your successes in life; professionally, socially, personally, can become a huge burden with the addition of trying to handle your mental health. The facade of a perfect life can take its toll through despair and suicidal tendencies. Why go through all of that alone when there is help out there for you? To help you manage your mental health illness. You are not alone.
As an affluent woman you may be the one breadwinner that your family and friends depend upon for their own well-being, for their own lifestyle, for their own advancement in life. DID YOU KNOW that there is someone that you can discuss your situation to and they shall understand you? You do not need to be alone.
You may be an affluent partner in a relationship; business and/or personal. DID YOU KNOW that there is someone that you can discuss your situation to and they shall understand you? You do not need to be alone.
Build your support ‘tribe’ around you. Your support tribe are individuals and/or organisations who are confidential in the nature of their work, or, naturally inclined as being discrete and private. It is up to you as to whom you choose but they could include:
1. Your mental health therapist, doctor or counsellor.
2. Your hairdresser.
3. Your personal chef.
4. Your housekeeper.
5. Your personal chauffeur.
6. Your personal coach (well-being, healing, holistic methods, meditation, work/life balance, music, art, etc.).
7. Your personal fitness instructor or a masseuse.
8. A religious person. A priest, a pastor, an imam, a monk, a nun. Or you could attend a stay at a cloister or ashram to help your mental health illness. RISE provide well-being week day and weekend events for clients only, at selected cloisters, ashrams and spas.
9. Any other person whom you feel that you can turn to, in strictest trust and confidence. Someone that resonates with you and you with them.
They each have a role to play in your well-being and assisting you to manage your mental health illness. If I can help you further in any way simply send me a message in strictest confidence.
Client: Elsa
Elsa: Speaking to my mother was impossible. She entered the picture again when daddy had died. She was there to be at a reading of daddy’s will and she wanted to see if there was anything that he had left for her. That was all she cared about. So I was definitely unable to converse with my mother because our relationship was simply a non-existent one. Outside of my immediate, small, closed family unit I did not feel the need to divulge anything to other members of the extended family unit. My entire extended family is a mish-mash of step brothers and sisters. Both here and abroad. Illegitimate and legitimate children. Aunts that were not real aunts. Uncles that were not real uncles. Affairs, divorces and separations. It was incredibly hard in many ways as a child and as a young woman growing up with all that crap. After the first overdose that I had taken as a young woman, I was talking to a psychiatrist. That was the opportunity where I had begun to discuss how I felt. My attempt at suicide had upset daddy and I felt so guilty about that. If I am honest with you, I still feel guilty about it.
RISE Coach
Jay: It is incredibly kind and giving that there are some UHNW and HNW individuals who are going through mental health disorders that are generous in sharing their experiences. I understand that there are UHNW and HNW women who do not feel comfortable with what they are going through right now with their mental health disorder and as such cannot open up to anyone. Not even a mental health therapist, doctor or counsellor. I hope that one day; if this is your situation, that you will one day. If I can help you further in any way simply send me a message in strictest confidence.
Client: Sofia
Sofia: I want to definitely encourage affluent women to talk. Whether it is to a complete stranger. Whether it is to your spouse. Whether it is to a psychiatrist. Whether it is to a family member, or members. Just talk to someone that will not pass judgement on you.
RISE Coach
Jay: There should be no shame with admitting to having a mental health disorder. UHNW and HNW women should feel free in themselves to speak up with their mental health to someone. No-one should ever keep it to themselves.
Client: Elsa
Elsa: You really have to do your best to let go of pride; including that of other family members and friends who have insecurities connected with mental health. Just be appreciative of what you are dealing with on each day. Be proud that you are fighting your corner, wining the moments in the grand scheme of things and that you are welcoming this journey to your well-being, to a destination that is hugely beneficial to you. That you are not taking this journey entirely alone, that you have found your ‘tribe’ of people who understand you, are protective of you and want you to climb further and higher. That they are supporting you. That is where I am and where you can be too!
