Get Out Of My House, Get Out Of My Life, PS. I Love You

UHNW & HNW RISE coaching for Women



Get Out Of My House, Get Out Of My Life, PS. I Love You



Every week I have a Conversation Thursday where I free up ONE day (GMT, 24 hours), to connect with a new, prospective client. The conversations are confidential. I have the opportunity to read by email or listen by telephone or VoIP to what type of support and help the woman wants. At some point in the conversation their life is described to me and I begin to understand the unravelling of what is going on in their life. I begin to see what is going on through their eyes. For them there is a complication regarding money, social status and movement. Some are married. Most are co-habiting. A few have a child with their partner. Others are childless. Their own personal bank account is minimal. Not enough to plan the logistics and depart with a safe place to live. Especially now with Covid-19 running rampant around the world. Their partner holds the purse strings. Their partner decides upon what is allowed to be spent on their behalf. For example the woman has her private gym or fitness centre membership paid for by her partner. Her mobile phone is paid for by her partner, so her telephone calls are tracked by her partner. Yes. I do get the odd telephone call asking me who I am and why their partner has contacted me. A pleasant diplomatic response is always given to ensure that there is no negative outcome for the woman concerned by her partner. Often she is chaperoned and a report relayed to partner.

There are those rare occasions when I receive contact from men who want me to help their wife or partner ‘get it together’ for certain social events.

What is that about? What is that all about when a partner promises something then turns around and shouts at you “Get out of my house, you fucking bitch!” Then a few seconds later behaves as though nothing has happened and displays their way of affection or love. What exactly is that about?

I cannot tell you the increase in messages that have been received by me from women living in affluence who are being mistreated by their partner. That they are continually threatened with being made homeless. The stress is real for these women, especially when they have relocated to a foreign country and perhaps do not speak the national language. We are talking about women who have a good education and have worked previously, but in this new / current relationship the goalposts have changed and they are now in a vulnerable situation. Grown, adult women who know themselves well, yet at this moment in time are at the mercy of an unreasonable partner. Possibly, not only their partner but also the family of their partner. When these women contact me this is how they feel at the beginning of the conversation:

“I cannot go on any more…”
“I cannot take this any more…”
“I need to get out of here…”
“Why is this happening to me!”
“What have I done to deserve this?”
“He is mad! If he does not kill me, I might end up killing him!”
“I know I sound ungrateful but this is not living. I merely exist from day to day.”
“I am as a slave to him and his family.”
“His family and friends look down upon me because I am not like them.”
“He does not defend me when others criticise me for no reason but to be spiteful.”


BUT this is what I really understand from their conversation with me AND what they end up saying to me. That there is a dis-ease in their mental well-being from being with this partner. That there is an emotional strain, a breaking point, a crisis, a Life of Tears (this is very common), a feeling of utter loneliness, a mental weight weighing upon them, breakdowns, life afflictions, increasing nervous tension, anger, anxiety, mental tiredness, a feeling of giving up, depression, a life journey oppression & a mind-body-soul misalignment or fracture. Plus more.

Similar to the banking crisis in 2008 when people lost their jobs, their homes and relationships fell apart, something familiar is happening through the onslaught of this current pandemic. People are losing their jobs. People are being evicted. People are going through irretrievable breakdowns. Those ‘no way back’ relationship breakdowns.

In UK Family Law irretrievable breakdowns are considered as thus,

WHAT IS IRRETRIEVABLE BREAKDOWN?

There is only one ground of divorce / dissolution which is that the marriage / partnership has broken down irretrievably. The court must be satisfied that this is the case and it must be evidenced by proving one of the five following facts:
  • Adultery (only for divorce and not dissolution)
  • Unreasonable behaviour
  • Separation for 2 years by consent
  • Separation for 5 years without consent
  • Desertion for 2 years

Of these only adultery and unreasonable behaviour are regarded as "fault based" grounds. However when it comes to dealing with the finances and the arrangements for the children, the reason for the Divorce or Dissolution is generally irrelevant.


WHAT IS UNREASONABLE BEHAVIOUR?

Unreasonable behaviour is the most common cause for leaving a relationship. Where the term unreasonable behaviour describes the fact that your partner has behaved in such a way that you cannot reasonably be expected to live with him, or indeed her.

It is important to understand there is no definitive list of unreasonable behaviours used in divorce petitions. It could be one or two serious incidents, to many more petty issues.

In reality the courts take a very pragmatic view. If two people no longer wish to be married, there has undoubtedly been some form of behaviour (however extreme or minor) which has led them deciding on a divorce or dissolution of their relationship.

Where there is a long history of unreasonable conduct the usual rule is to rely on the First, Worst and Last events. You also have to be careful how you draft the allegations, as these may aggravate an already sensitive situation and also have an impact on any children. Best practice is to try and agree the content of the allegations with your partner beforehand. You have to engage in trying to come to an understanding / agreement. Even if you know that your partner is not bothered in talking to you about a reasonable understanding / agreement. Easier said than done for some couples. Especially when your partner has shouted at you to “Get out of my house now!” and throwing your belongings out of the door or window.

Yes, if you have the funds one of the most important things is to have a solicitor who knows what they are doing. A really good Family Law solicitor will definitely know how to draft an Unreasonable Behaviour Petition that will satisfy a judge. But what if your partner holds the purse strings and s/he dictates the amount of money that you can have? That they dictate your allowance. If any. After all, you live in his/her property AND s/he pays the bills. What more do you want!?


WHAT TYPES OF BEHAVIOUR ARE CONSIDERED UNREASONABLE?

The most common examples of unreasonable behaviour are:
  • Domestic abuse
  • Excessive/lack of sex
  • Unreasonable sexual demands
  • Inappropriate association/relationship with another person
  • Debt/financial recklessness
  • Verbal abuse, shouting or belittling
  • Social isolation
  • Excessive/lack of socialising
  • Drunkenness

All of the above are compounded by various regional and national government lockdowns / curfews due to the pandemic.

There are growing situations where in many cases relationships can drift apart without there being any extreme behaviour such as those above. In these instances it is necessary to find other less serious behaviours. For instance:
  • Your partner is unemployed and so is always under your feet
  • Your partner works long hours and so is always out working and never at home
  • Excessive Do-It-Yourself activities has been used as an unreasonable behaviour
  • There is a preference to time being spent with a pet rather than a partner
  • You or your partner is dictatorial


WHAT IS THE TIME FRAME FOR USING UNREASONABLE BEHAVIOUR?

If you continue cohabiting with your partner / spouse, for a cumulative period of more than SIX months AFTER the last alleged unreasonable behaviour, the Court may refuse to grant the Petition as part of the consideration of whether you can reasonably be expected to live with your partner. The longer the cohabitation, the less likely the Petition will be granted and the better an explanation is likely to be required. Be sure to have a really good, water tight, explanation ready.

Living in the same house is not the same as cohabitation.

If you do continue to live under the same roof, as long as you live separate lives, the SIX month time frame may be disregarded.

Separate lives means things like not sleeping in the same bed, not eating meals together and not doing the other person's washing or washing up. The longer you are living separately in the same house the more concerns the Court may have with regard to allowing a divorce / dissolution using the fact of unreasonable behaviour.

The best advice would be to try to start divorce proceedings within SIX months as then the court will have no reason to question the reason being given.

So when your partner shouts at you, for whatever reason, to “Get out!” and calls you a “Fucking bitch!” and physically threatens you or man handles you to the door, what are you going to do?

You are going to reach out and get some help and support to keep you in a safe place, mentally and physically, for as long as it takes. That is what you are going to do.

No-one deserves “Get Out Of My House, Get Out Of My Life,” PS. I Love You!

#WordsHaveEnergy   #MentalWell-being   #TransformYourLife   #LiveToEnjoy   #ChooseHappy   #EnableBoundaries   #FixMyLife  #ManageEachDay   #NoMoreTears   #EnableYourInnerSelf   #ConnectWithYou

RISE and “Make a difference to your life.”

Always delivering self love and confidence in the steps that you take. Whether you are a self made wealthy woman. OR. Gained wealth through a relationship.

British quality service over the years.


Now over to you.



If you are feeling ‘so-so’, or, not coping well over the current season as you try to manage things through self isolation or a lock-down situation, in addition to having risen to the status of being a HNW, UHNW or affluent professional woman; including you dealing with being different as your place in society changes, drop me an email. At this time of the year how are you feeling about the relationship with your own Self? The most important relationship in your life. How is that going?


UHNW & HNW RISE coaching for Women


“Ladies if it is getting hard for you, contact me. Come and contact me. I am here for you.” Now that you are here with me ask. Simply ask. Jay at RISE for women coaching. Enable your upper hand to work for you when you press the button.


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