UHNW and HNW WOMEN: CAN YOU STAY STRONG AND RESOLUTE IN THE FACE OF DEPRESSION WITHIN THE CORPORATE WORLD
facets of you – UHNW WOMEN & MENTAL HEALTH
CAN YOU STAY STRONG AND RESOLUTE IN THE FACE OF DEPRESSION WITHIN THE CORPORATE WORLD?
Join today’s conversation on why you as an UHNW or HNW Woman you should be managing your mental health illness and receiving the respect and support from your employer. From your colleagues. From your employees. Are you required to tell people that you work with about your mental health illness? If yes, who do you tell and how do you tell them?
This conversation is about managing your mental health illness in a work space environment. You are an Alpha female. You are moneyed. You hold a top executive position. You own a company, or two. You are in a collaboration or partnership. You have a myriad of responsibilities. So how does having more than one job impact adversely upon your mental health? Do you sense that there is a work industry reluctance to accept people with mental health? That people with mental health illnesses are being seen as weak and ineffective to the operation and growth of a business. That this sense of ruthlessness is from shareholders or the senior board level of the corporation. Is it a problem to have ruthless people like that working for you? With you? Or you working for them? Be open to this conversation, its ebbs and flows. Take my hand and make the journey so that you can be helped.
You are an affluent woman. You are shy or an introvert. Perhaps with low level autism. You live in an affluent home. You live an affluent lifestyle. You have weight fluctuations. You have dietary impulses. Yet right now you are finding it challenging to keep things together in your business and portray a ‘normal’ existence through your mental health illness, due to a variety of external impacts that are triggering your mental health well-being. This journey of keeping it together and who to disclose to can be a tricky one. How do you manage it? How do you keep yourself together and not crumble into pieces for an entire day? Warts and all.
In amongst all of this, do you really feel the need to talk about your mental health at all within your work space? Once you do say something in the corporate office about having depression, is it possible to unsay it? How do you imagine that you will be judged by others who have a scant understanding of mental health issues at work? Is this your barrier to talking openly at your corporate office?
If anything, how have you tested your business environment to see if you can ‘come out’ with having a mental health illness?
In your role as an affluent business executive how do you cope with the pressure, stress and feeling unwell in your work space? What do you do if you are feeling unwell?
Client: Sharon
Sharon: I may not be gregarious and voted as the pin up poster face for the business, but I work hard and I put the effort in to making things happen. Making things happen for the business and making things happen for me, all in a good and positive way. As I am focussed on being the best that I can be in various aspects of my life I have to respect myself and in turn others should also respect me. My actions speak louder than words and I prove myself worthy of the job that I do. I am not confrontational. I am not disruptive. I am not rude. I just want things to happen in a good way with positive outcomes. I do have a mental health illness and I need for you; if you are told, to accept me for me. Warts and all. I am not like other people and quite frankly I like who I am. I am proud of me. I have accomplished much in my many, many decades. I get the task asked of me done. Done well. Done professionally. Done to the best of my abilities.
In being so focussed I do have a mantra going around in my mind, for keeping myself together and trying not to visibly fall apart at the seams. More often than not the mantra is there all day, every day. I use it as a re-alignment aid to help me manage the tasks that I do and the people that I interact with. I used to carry a crystal in my pocket or bag, but I was continually fidgeting with it. So I stopped that and now I have a mantra going around I my head. It is a positive and happy mantra and it makes me feel good. I often smile to myself when I am saying it. It sometimes becomes musical through its repetition and I light up inside.
When things get incredibly hectic and the mantra is being pushed from my mind because of the external interactions impacting upon me, I find the reserve energy that I need to pretend that all is well, because I do not want anyone outside my close circle of confidantes to know that I am feeling vulnerable and to take advantage of that.
Many people perceive me as either ‘too cocky’ or ‘a snob’, or being ‘too reserved’, because I tend to keep myself to myself. It is simply my defence mechanism kicking in. But being quiet is how I am naturally. I had always been shy and an introvert from since a child. In school, other children taunted me with calling me a retard. It hurt. It still hurts. I like to make friends, but the mental health illness is a major factor as to how I put myself forward to people. Sometimes, little tells from my mental health illness appear. I become aware of this and then I clam up. The situation then becomes awkward for the other person.
I remember being in school and having a small lunch box and none of my class pupils would sit next to me. Or being in school and going up for school dinners, no-one from my class would want to sit next to me and children that they knew would do the same. I have had this feeling forever since my school days. This is how I feel with my mental health illness. Sometimes it feels as though there is a sign above my head saying ‘She is mentally disturbed.’ As an adult I come across people from different backgrounds and I still see the same unfriendly attitudes to people with mental health issues. These people assume that you are one of them when you get invited to work based events and private dinners, so they let rip their inner thoughts on people, society and cultures. Sometimes, they shall say “No offence, blah, blah, blah..” if there is someone in the group who is overweight, or someone in the group who is of a different race, or someone in the group who has children, or someone in the group who is known to visit a psychologist or a psychiatrist, so on and so forth.
It does cross my mind as to how they know that a fellow colleague is seeing a psychologist or a psychiatrist. Did the person let people know in their business office? Or did someone from their office let it slip ‘by accident’ or intentionally? This is what I have to confront myself with. Do I let people that I work with know, or do I keep it to myself?
Getting back to the dreaded work based events and dinner invitations, I tend to keep quiet and leave at the earliest opportunity. These are not the events or dinner invitations that I feel comfortable in or indeed wish to be entertained by. I would rather stay at home with my dog. That makes me feel better. But I do have a certain level of responsibility to be seen at work based events and dinners and it is events like the one that I have just described to you, that makes me feel as though my own company is sending me a subliminal message in making me open to such criticism from those very people that I really do not want to be around and, as a result trying to curtail my development from whatever gossip is later fed back to industry insiders.
I look at myself as a business entity. In order for me to operate well I need to function well. With that comes the support of others. The wind beneath my wings as Bette Midler so heartily sang. As an affluent woman with an executive position my work is hard and pressurised. With that pressure comes stress. Pressure and stress at varying levels in my life. Then this becomes something more acute when you add mental health illness to the mix. A veritable cocktail of ill health just waiting to bubble up and explode. Or implode. Take your pick.
With my mental health illness I can feel intensely surrounded by a wave of negativity. It is difficult to describe exactly but I feel as though I am not in control of myself. It is as though my life is going to expire and I become like a frightened deer with headlights hurtling towards it. My physician has diagnosed me with having chronic depression, OCD and anxiety. Quite a cocktail.
So the question is DOES YOUR WORKPLACE GET IT? DOES IT UNDERSTAND YOUR MENTAL HEALTH ILLNESS CONDITION?
Consultant in Mental Health: Ilma
Ilma: Mental health illness is REAL. Mental health is now discussed more openly in society. Mental health requires re-addressing to cope with the increases that are already gathering pace across industry sectors and further diversified socio-economic societies. In the UK, for example, the cost of inadequate mental health provision is costing the country over £80Bn per annum. A lot of patching up people and chucking them out in to the community, hoping that those in the community shall take the burden that the state cannot or will not assist. If you are rich you can afford the treatment that you need privately. If you do not have the financial resources and you fall on the state, then there are gaps in the marketplace for treatments, methods and techniques that the state is prepared to pay for. A one size fits all plaster is what you shall receive, unless your mental health assessor says otherwise. Then there could be a lengthy delay in getting seen to with the appropriate appointment(s). In the meantime you are living off National Health Sickness benefits to keep you ticking on through prescribed medication.
DID YOU KNOW that in the UK up to 300k people per annum shall leave their work space environment due to a long term mental health illness. The challenges in masking and managing their mental health from work colleagues is huge. It is very common for people with a mental health illness to enter their workplace building, prepare themselves in a lavatory; or the store room cupboard, just to pull themselves together to start the day in order to face anyone. They literally hide in there. In addition, many people with mental health illnesses find that they have to change jobs because of people not understanding their conditions and, what it means to receive the treatments that are highly beneficial to their existence and well-being. The workplace can become highly toxic for them, delivering additional pressure, stress and sickness.
As a business owner you also realise that there is a cost to you for your staff being laid off work due to mental health illness. In the UK it is costing employers just under £40Bn per annum to cover for sickness leave and recruitment costs. The colleagues who take up the slack are under immense pressure to perform at their best within their own role and take on added duties from the missing staff member. It is then probable with a protracted culture of work based pressure and stress, that mental health sickness shall take affect upon the current workforce and that these colleagues shall develop mental health illnesses, to add to the burden of costs to an employer and the state. This shall also have an impact upon their home situation. Talking about mental health whilst on duty for work is fearful, but it is a necessity that companies should take on board to improve the well-being of their employees. Afterall, a happy employee is a productive employee.
Finally, the choice is always yours if you want to disclose your mental health condition. Within the UK you do not have to disclose your condition. Nevertheless, dependent upon your role it may be advisable to do so. On the plus side it can open the correct support for you. On the negative side some employers and employees could use it against you, if they want to get you out of the organisation. Be sure to read your contract thoroughly and see if there is anything regarding mental health support. Currently in the UK a number of mental health conditions are covered under The Equality Act which is there to protect people like you from discrimination.
So the question is WHO SHOULD YOU TELL AND HOW?
Client: Jin
Jin: The times when I have needed to speak to someone at work it has usually been to the Personnel Director. I normally send a quick note by intranet asking for a quick chat. It is a courtesy thing. Instead of running down to the department on a whim and seeing if they are free.
Client: Paula
Paula: Touch wood, I have been lucky with the Head of Personnel. The company realised that mental health was becoming an issue and made provision for mental health assistance to those that required it. All confidential. All straight forward. I did have to take some time away but my integration back into work was smooth. I did not need to divulge anything to my colleagues which suited me really well. I did not want the questions. Or rather I was not ready for the inquisition of my condition. Especially with people that I knew little of. I just wanted to maintain my privacy and not be a subject of office gossip.
Client: Kelly
Kelly: To help me with the discussions that I would have with those that needed to know, I would write out an itinerary in order to help me frame what I wanted to get across.
Client: Beatrice
Beatrice: I had to assess who to approach first of all. In my position as a senior executive it had to be someone fairly high up the chain of leadership and management. When I felt that I could trust that person I gave them some information about my mental health illness. Not that it was affecting my work, but just in case of a relapse and my abilities as an executive to fail to stand up to what was being asked of me. I made the best decision and it was a weight off my shoulders. A huge sigh of relief.
So the question is HOW DO YOU COPE AND WHAT ARE THE REPERCUSSIONS TO DIVULGING YOUR MENTAL HEALTH ILLNESS?
Client: Sharon
Sharon: For me, periodically dipping into a daydream state helps break up the day and re-align the sense of who I am and what I am doing. Some people have a siesta, a power nap. I have a daydream. People have this idea that you can daydream all day. That may be so for some individuals, but I do not have the propensity to do that. Sometimes my daydreams happen at moments that they need to because I am stopping myself from going into an escalated mental health illness whilst I am at work. At other times it is simply to slow my mind down and refocus. It is quick. A few moments and it is gone. It is fleeting. It is calming.
Client: Kelly
Kelly: I have had a few top level executive posts throughout my 60 odd years. I had experienced vastly different reactions to my mental health illnesses. In general, I am easy going. I can adapt in a new environment when I know exactly what I am there for. As for mingling with people in the company. Swings and roundabouts. I am a friendly sort. Forceful, rude and ignorant people take some time for me to become comfortable around. Or rather to work and socialise; meaning the tea area, in the same space with. I try to avoid them as much as possible. They trigger my mental health, so I have to find a mechanism to block them from my presence. Otherwise I am OK with people.
In my first executive post I told two people that I thought would understand and they did not. They used the information that I divulged to them against me. I thought that I had made new friends but they were not the type of people that I imagined them to be. That was a very painful experience in bonding with work colleagues. I was depressed every day that I woke up and had to make my way into work. I really did not want to get out of bed and work for that company because of them. I did make other friends, but by then the damage had been done. I was looking for another place to work. Luckily I found somewhere else with a higher executive role.
This time I did not jump straight into friendship with people that I hardly knew. I simply stayed quiet; which is my natural default, working hard and getting to know people through their roles in the company, as opposed to talking about personal aspects of your life in trying to make friends. I soon clocked on as to whom I could evolve with as friends and those to be kept at arms length.
In the position that I held I did not feel the need to disclose my mental health illness to other senior executives. I was lucky enough to have a few people in my private life who supported me when I needed help. My mental health illness did not affect my role, but I did eventually speak in confidence with the Personnel Director who was incredibly understanding of my situation. I had no idea! This person was like a secret ally. A ‘go to’ when I needed to talk about issues that were continuing to trigger my mental health and someone who helped me to find additional support when I needed it. It did not mean that I took extra days off, it just meant that I now had a support facility through the company. One which many others could also use. So it was not just for me. It was a place where those that wanted to could meditate, or prayer, or do yoga. The company paid for an instructor to come in-house and provide mediation classes and yoga classes. That was a result.
Client: Soo
Soo: I had a close friend who got fired from their job because they did not disclose their mental health illness to HR. Their condition did not warrant it and did not affect their role. I mean they were not a brain surgeon, or an engineer or nuclear scientist. They had a financial management background and they were competent at their job. The people that they were working with took offence to working with someone with a mental health illness and did not want them there. But I think it was a cultural thing. I have come across those types before. A woman who headed Personnel was cosy with the PA of the Chairman and the two of them overindulged in the power flow, letting it go to their heads. They got rid of people that they did not like. Really good and exceptional people. They even had a go at getting me out of the organisation. Apparently my contract was done and dusted so quickly through a higher executive that the HR woman was blind-sided. It did not stop her from saying to me that I should never have been offered the high level executive post. Sometimes I wonder how these people get these roles of responsibility. These two women were really toxic. Last I heard they were both dismissed. Drunken during working hours; a daily occurrence, and surplus to requirements. Good riddance.
Client: Jin
Jin: Even as an affluent executive in a corporation I know that there are some senior executives who are a problem. A serious problem to the well-being of the people under them. Even I have to battle on and deal with those people at times. They can be interfering in your duties when they want something done their way. I remember when I first entered in to this executive role and I came up against someone who did not know me and ordered me to do something. They had the impression that they could get away with that type of behaviour that they had used on the previous executive who had left. To be confronted with that type of behaviour on the first day was a shock to the system. I immediately spoke to the Personnel Director about the incident. It has not happened again, although there is an attitude about the person when we cross paths at the office.
There are times when I feel that a panic attack is going to ensue, and I need to get some air. These are the times when I have to go up to the top floor and pace around the rooftop terrace so that I can feel the rush of the breeze against my face, my body. It calms me down. I need to get air into my lungs. The thoughts about leaving the company due to inconsiderate employees are negated by the good support that I get from the company. Especially through the company’s facilities, amenities and events to keep the staff contented. They make a concerted effort in helping local and national charities through doing volunteering. This is one thing that I do for a mental health charity. I enjoy it and I benefit from the interaction.
It really is important to be with the people who work with you and not against you. Decipher who they are. After some time, if you want to, open up to them. There is no hurry. Listen to the company grapevine. Find out what is going on. How can you use the information to your advantage and help your mental health management ability. In all honesty, talking about it with trusted people is the best advice that I can give. Through doing the volunteer work with a mental health charity I do get to collaborate with other company members that I would not ordinarily do. Plus, other executives from other organisations. Each time that I am there I learn much about them and why they had chosen to do that particular volunteering activity. So my network of people grows with like-minded individuals. It feels good to be with these people. I feel a sense of relief.
So the question is HOW TO ASSESS WORK SPACE ENVIRONMENTS & THEIR IMPACT ON MENTAL HEALTH
Consultant Assessor of Well-Being within work spaces
Consultant: Jacqueline
As someone who assess work spaces and the well-being of people in those work spaces I look at two impacts. The impact on the individual and the impact on the team and their operational work space. I also look at the relationships between the individuals in that space.
One of the activities that is encouraged for well-being is to ask the team of people concerned to be innovative and create an action plan that encompasses what is needed to keep team members well within the work spaces. It also has to be practical. The individuals are assisted with a well-being sheet that takes into consideration mental health aspects and other disabilities. Along with considerations for carers of family members. Individuals have the chance to write down their objections and find at least two solutions to those objections. It is also a way of ascertaining the early warning signs of issues in the work space. Issues regarding individuals who are struggling because of their mental health illness, or carer responsibilities, or another form of a mental or physical handicap. The results are collected and shared so that a new culture of understanding and acceptance can evolve, as change in the work space(s) is initiated through a consensus of the results.
The second is for the individual to complete their own personal action plan. An example is provided so that those struggling with what to write down have an idea of what is required of them. They are not allowed to copy the examples, but they can expand on them if it resonates with them.
WELL-BEING WITHIN WORK SPACES SPECIMEN:-
So the question is WHICH OF THESE SITUATIONS REGARDING YOUR MENTAL HEALTH ILLNESS RESONATES WITH YOU?
Consultant: Jacqueline
It is well known that many people get the positions that they do through knowing someone already at the office. Particularly, at the decision-making level or top end of the hierarchy ladder. The names change but the faces and the culture remain the same. What is not acceptable when new people come into a business environment is the level of mysogynistic coercing, bullying and harassment of women in the workspace. It is right and proper that businesses should have workable and procedural policies to kick into action once forms of intimidation and harassment have been highlighted to executives. As an UHNW or HNW woman working in business, understand that this can work for your benefit, if you have a grievance with a higher executive in the parent company, or a partnership company. Conversely, it can work to highlight your failings as a top executive in relation to your staff members. Especially if you or someone that you work with has a mental health illness.
Contact the organisations that can afford you the advice. Your national mental health organisation should be a first port of call for all matters concerning mental health with employees. Also, seek out the legal organisations that help people with mental health issues. Receive the signposting so that you can function with your mental health illness throughout any procedural charges made against you. Seek the support and guidance; where appropriate, from your mental health network.
Consultant: Jacqueline
As an UHNW or HNW woman your lifestyle can seem to most as easy and with little or no conflict. Having no pressure. This is a misconception that many have who believe that as an owner of one business, or where you own more than one organisation, or are in partnership with one or several companies that other people deal with the running of the business and you only live off the profit with no pressure in your life. Or, you are a top executive and all that you do is the hand waving and pointing and your staff do all the actual work. You just sit there shuffling paper a few times a day. Nothing too taxing there for you. Nothing for you to worry your pretty little head about. Other people do your work and you take the credit for it.
You have responsibilities as an UHNW or HNW woman who works in various business sectors and this does bring varying levels of workplace pressure. Add to this your mental health illness and your management of juggling things around you can take a pounding. You experience durations of varying challenges and critical points. These things definitely impact upon a work space and can develop noxious perceptions of you and your organisation. Especially if you do not have a workable action plan to put into place which acts as a release valve to ease the work space pressures. You may find that your workload increases and you have to take on a more hands on role to try to resolve issues. As the owner of the business you ‘allowing the business to get in to this state’ leaves your staff and colleagues thinking little of you. Under valuing you. Your personal development and your professional development can falter under the pressure. You as an executive member of the company are seen as one of the primary causes of the problem. People start to point fingers, gossip and blame you for the problems that you are supposed to be in charge of and resolving. You need to manage the situation with work and your mental health illness in parallel of each other. You require support from work colleagues and you require support from your mental health network group.
So the question is WHAT HAS HELPED YOU FEEL BETTER AT WORK?
Client: Beatrice
Beatrice: Take the time to value yourself. Enable good communication when required, be respectful but be yourself. Let your character shine through. That is important.
Client: Sharon
Sharon: Focus or centre your mind on something that interests you and makes you feel calm and collected. It can be absolutely anything during a work lunch break. A walk through a bookstore. Selecting a book to read. A visit to a florist. A walk in the park, perhaps sitting down at a bench and having a light lunch. A visit to a second hand shop. Buying yourself a set of nice artistic cards to place on your desk, or framed for your wall. Watching a mime artist. It can be anything that makes you feel good and takes your mind away from having to manage a stressful work situation. Even a telephone call to a trusted friend. Whatever works for you.
Client: Jin
Jin: Assess the layout of the land, so to speak. Generally, people in the business world do not care about you, but what they can get from you. So with mental health; unless you are really extreme with your behaviour in a corporate setting, they do not know if you are suffering from this condition. If you are working with someone who is truly treacherous, they then find out about your mental health illness, they will deploy Machiavellian tactics to undermine you and your position of power at the workplace. Just be aware of who those people are and protect your back.
Client: Kelly
Kelly: At this stage in my life I have the opportunity to be working with a team of people who do not query my time off. I work very hard with my team and we get results. We support each other through the assignments that we work on. We work on our own initiatives in the areas that require that and we come together as a team placing the pieces of the puzzle together to bring a project to fruition. Those that need to know about my mental health illness, know. In essence, I do my shit and I do it well. Really fucking well.
Client: Hyacinth
Hyacinth: When you look at your diary, or forecast agenda, or itinerary for the month or two months ahead and see that you have some days off, take those days off. They are there for a reason.
Client: Soo
Soo: For me, using exercise is a primary part of my schedule to keeping my mind and body together. It provides me with the strength to continue on in the day, it also makes me feel calm and ready for the next steps when I have completed my exercise regime. It works for me and managing my mental health issues.
